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  • Writer's pictureKate

I don't know what I did last summer

Updated: Aug 3, 2019

Again, I am dating myself with pop culture from my youth. I actually don't even remember seeing the movie, "I know what you did last summer." I guess I just like the title, and it seemed fitting....since I literally cannot remember what I did last summer.

I was out in my garden the other day, and noticed a plant in my front yard that wasn't there before. I scratched my head and wondered how it had gotten there, and I vaguely started remembering a friend coming over to help in the garden and me directing her to place it there. That was in the middle of IV chemotherapy. I was bald, feeling like crap, and needed to sit down while she was digging vigorously in the yard, because I felt weak and like I might faint in the summer heat. I barely remember walking back and forth from the front to the back yard and pointing out where to put plants. My chemo brain was in full swing, and unless I deliberately think back, I cannot remember these types of encounters.

This is not the only thing I can't remember. In fact, it almost feels like there is this void in my life timeline where last summer should be. I keep thinking this is the second summer we have lived in our house, and then I remember, nope, it is the third summer. Just because I don't remember last summer, doesn't mean it didn't happen.

Maybe part of the problem is, I didn't do much. I pretty much just stayed home, went to the hospital, took A LOT of medications to keep from getting sick from chemo, slept a lot, and hung out with Andy and the pets. So, everything just blurs together and I can't remember anything in particular. I guess I also took a summer grad school class, although I'm not sure how I did it. I can barely remember what I learned or how I kept up with the assignments. But, hey, I got a grade and the class is on my official graduated transcript, so I must have done something!

For someone who prides themselves on a great memory, it is a weird feeling to have a gaping hole in mine. Oh well, I can always go back and read my blogs to remember.


Not much is going on around here at the moment. The new medication is still making me feel weird. My joints are aching and I'm tired ALL of the time, although I can't sleep. I will talk to my oncologist about it when I see him for my three month check-up in a couple of days. We will see what he recommends.

My total gastrectomy is officially scheduled for September 12, 2019. The operating room is booked according to my team's nurse practitioner, so there is no backing out now!

I am starting to get more sentimental about loosing my stomach. We went out of town for the fourth of July, and as we were making the drive home a thought popped into my head. That will be the last time I make that trip with my stomach. That will be the last fourth of July eating whatever I want, when I want!

The State Fair, a big deal in our household, will be a sort of stomach send off! I will eat as much food on a stick as my pocket book will allow over the last couple of weeks in August. And then, off to the NIH to become an official member of the seahorse club (stomachless).

Alright, I am off to stare at my ceiling in the dark for hours on end, until I finally pass out from exhaustion. Because, that is how I fall asleep these days.

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